One of my coworkers has been telling me that I have to go to Porter Square to get a picture of the “FOR MASON’S ONLY” sign in the parking lot next to the Masonic Temple. I haven’t spent much time in Porter, other than doing my grocery shopping at Shaw’s, so I decided to walk the mile or so home.
And, as always, I was shocked by the sheer number of incorrect signs I saw on the way home!
Location: Masonic Temple, Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA
So. The parking is for mason’s only. Who is this Mason? I’m picturing a college-aged guy from Long Island with a Maserati his parents bought for him on his sixteenth birthday. (I don’t even know what a Maserati looks like — it sounds right.)
At any rate, Mason’s parents have so much money that they throw at anyone at the slightest hint of his behavioral problems, including at the people who run this parking lot. Mason will freak out if he has to park his beloved Maserati in a toll spot! God forbid!
Therefore, this parking spot has been marked for Mason’s Maserati only, or for any other car that he may be driving that day. It’s for Mason’s only.
Seriously, though, COME ON! If something is written in the plural form, that does NOT warrant an apostrophe!!
Apostrophes are for showing posession. They are NOT for showing plurals.
Acceptable alternatives:
–For Masons Only
–Mason Parking Only
–Masons’ Spots Only
Location: Spirit Bar, Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA
The sign in front of the bar reads, “This bar is wicked COOL! Thanks to our new AC system!”
I’m loving that I get to use something with the word “wicked” in it — that’s one of Boston’s most beloved words!
However, “Thanks to our new AC system!” is not a complete sentence. It’s not strong enough to stand on its own.
The sentence could be joined together, and that would have been the best solution. This bar is wicked cool, thanks to our new AC system!
There are a few other possibilities, like, This bar is wicked cool! Thanks, new AC system! Of course, that sounds a bit strange, a bit overeager, and more than a bit out of place in front of a bar.
Location: Pemberton Market, Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA
This one is a bit tough to see. The sign reads, “SIX PAKS.”
Come on. Is it so tough to spell the word “packs” correctly? Ideally, it should read six-packs.
If you’re going to change the spelling for cutesy reasons, at least have some kind of reason behind it. Although I prefer most words written in their natural and full form, I can see why someone would want to write six pax. They’re each three letters, consonant-vowel-x. It looks cute.
Then why would you just drop a letter and go to six paks?! Come on!
Location: “Corner Store,” Massachusetts Avenue, Cambridge, MA
A little punctuation would be nice.
Location: Gold Star Road, Cambridge, MA
VANDALISM! HAHAHA!! I vandalized this sign a bit. It’s hard to tell. There wasn’t a single apostrophe on the entire sign. Did they not have the key on the keyboard? Had the key ripped right off after a long night of drunken emailing?
The world will never know.
I had my Sharpie in my purse, so I added apostrophes following the words abutters and owners, and before the S in Phils. The parking belongs to the abutters; the expense is that of the owners, and I’m sure the company is run by a guy named Phil.
I did debate over this in my head, however. Should it be owners’ expense or owner’s expense? If we’re talking about the owner of a car, it’s singular. However, if we’re talking about several people parking illegally, then it should be plural. In fact, I almost changed it, then realized that Sharpie didn’t wipe off and there was a guy driving a car with “Constable” written on the side.
What do you think?
Thanks to Spence for the suggestion.
The Grammar Vandal 
You are my hero.
I think I would say owner’s.
I also think it should be owner’s expense. If it was owners’, wouldn’t it have to be expenses, since the owners of the cars would not be paying one collective expense? Hmm…
Hi Grammar Vandal – found your blog thanks to the recent Globe article. Bet you got quite the spike in page views!
Re the last point, I might be inclined towards “owners’,” as you have it, since the phrase specifies plural trespasses. It’s definitely a tricky situation, but either way, the sign is much improved by your edits 🙂
If I ran a large publication, I’d hire you as a copyeditor just so that I could fire you for being so self-righteous. Honestly, is this the most meaningful war you can find to fight? Poverty? Drugs? AIDS? Athlete’s foot?
I’m hard at work on a sign containing so many errors that if you even try to correct it, your head will explode. Errors will be piled upon errors in the most amazing display of error terror in the history of the universe. I blew up half of Oklahoma just trying to isolate this one misplaced apostrophe. If God cared about spelling and grammar, He’d take one look at this sign and blink existence out of existence.
“Owner’s” versus “Owners'” is debatable; I’d rather see it say “Trespassers towed at own expense,” since they already identified the trespasser. I also find fault in “Tow-zone,” unless it’s meant to modify “private way.” I’m more inclined to think it’s two separate statements. “Tow-away zone” would be more appropriate.
I think you’re great. I’ve been doing what you do for years. I work as a proofreader in Quincy, where there’s a hilarious sign on the Veteran’s Memorial Stadium on Hancock Street — actually four of them. Four expensive looking metal signs that read “Welcome to Veteran’s Memorial Stadium. Alcoholic Berverages Prohibited.” Berverages! It blows my mind that nobody checks these things. I stuck post-it notes on them a few months back (they were up for a few days, then someone peeled them off), pointing at the typo with comments like “Ha Ha!”, “Holy Toledo!” and “You Dummies!” I’m pretty sure the signs are still up; check them out if you get the chance.
We have new urinals in the men’s room at work in Union Square, Somerville. These gleaming white wall units take care of your business without using any water: a marvel of modern chemistry. What’s more, they’re “hygenic”–or so the sign above each one informs us. You can take my word for it, Kate, or I can try to sneak you in. Your choice!
I went back and forth on this for a while and consulted a fellow Grammar Stickler, and our consensus was “owner’s.”
Kate,
GREAT press for you in the Globe.
It’s hopeless, of course; you’ll never prevail against the heathen (or ‘heath hen’), but keep it up.
I’m teaching a seminar in Atlanta right now. The facility has a video screen saying, among other things, “Rest Rooms are Located Through Out the Hallway’s”.
…I wish I was kidding.
I’m just like you – I see signs like that and notice the incorrect spelling and punctuation. My favorite is when they put quotes around “please” — as if they’re quoting the guy in the back, or they don’t really mean please, or something.
Unlike you, I’ve got over it. I know what they meant and there’s too much else to worry about. (Preposition at sentence end was intentional.)
About the sign that advertises “SIX PAKS”:
Perhaps you are overhasty in ruling this a misspelling. How do you know that the establishment in question does not employ a half-dozen Pakistanis?
My take seems to differ from some of the others. The sentence in question reads “Trespassers towed at owners expense.” Since trespassers is plural, owners should be, too. Hence, owners’ it is. You got it right, Kate.
Loved the NPR interview. It could have been longer.
Roger