I’m sorry for the oversaturation with People.com, but my friend Marie sent this to me, and it is SO bad that I have to repost it with corrections.
I never really mentioned it on here, but I’ve decided to avoid regular blogs. Why? I’m not quite sure. I don’t think that ANYONE deserves a pass, but the fact is….I like a lot of blogs with terrible grammar. I admire bloggers that work tirelessly to make us laugh, and in terms of inspiration, I don’t want to bite the hand that feeds me.
Off The Rack, however, is not one of my favorites. This is People Magazine’s official fashion blog. That puts it into the same category as journalism, in my book. Of all people, they should know best.
This is one of the worst examples I have EVER seen. Here we go:
Dita Von Teese’s Beauty Secrets
Dita von Teese is the ultimate in pin up girl beauty: flawless, milky white skin, perfectly tonged hair — and have you seen that body?! When PEOPLE caught up with her at a MAC Viva Glam event in London this week, we wanted to know all of her beauty secrets. “I do yoga and pilates” she revealed as her tiny frame wafted past in a silver mermaid-esque Dior gown. “I also do my best to get my beauty sleep which means knowing when the party is over!” And, how does she maintain that perfectly porcelain skin? “Sunscreen is very important but there isn’t one miracle cream, we’re all different.” After performing in a pink Swarovski crystal cow girl outfit (which off course was quickly removed) complete with crystal covered Christian Louboutin boots to perform her risqué burlesque style strip tease, she switched back her glamorous gown and went clubbing with her girlfriends, dutifully leaving at 1.30am, with a sneaky yawn on the way out. At least she practices what she preaches.
Sentence 1: Dita von Teese is the ultimate in pin up girl beauty: flawless, milky white skin, perfectly tonged hair — and have you seen that body?!
1) Pin up is incorrect — pinup is the term describing bombshell women of the 1940s whose posters provided tantalization for soldiers during World War II.
2) Flawless, milky white skin doesn’t work. The most correct version would be “flawless, milk-white skin” or “flawless, milky, white skin.” “Milky white” has become a bit of a colloquialism, so an argument could be made for that.
Sentence 2: When PEOPLE caught up with her at a MAC Viva Glam event in London this week, we wanted to know all of her beauty secrets.
No egregious errors. I’m not a fan of the writer’s style, though.
Sentence 3: “I do yoga and pilates” she revealed as her tiny frame wafted past in a silver mermaid-esque Dior gown.
3) You’re missing a comma. It should read, “I do yoga and pilates,” she revealed.
4) Tiny frame wafted past? Does a frame waft? I don’t think so. This writer got cruisazy with the thesaurus. (Don’t knock cruisazy. It’s one of my favorite words — you should see katesadventures.com! I’ve actually got a few of my friends saying it now.)
A better option would be to say, “She glided past, her tiny frame wrapped in a silver mermaid-esque Dior gown.” (Gorgeous gown. You should see the pictures. I love Dita’s fashion sense.)
Sentence 4: “I also do my best to get my beauty sleep which means knowing when the party is over!”
5) Put a comma between sleep and which. Personally, I would have thrown in, “she said with a laugh,” or something along those lines, even if she hadn’t been laughing, because the quote sounds a bit corny.
Sentence 5: And, how does she maintain that perfectly porcelain skin?
6) That comma is repugnant. It’s not enough to have “and” as its own entity at the beginning of a sentence. Although starting a sentence with the word “and” or “but” is frowned upon in literary circles, many writers (and I include myself in this category) do so, but do so with good style. This writer does not have good style — he or she has no idea what he or she is doing.
7) Porcelain is a noun, not an adjective, even though many claim it as an adjective when describing skin. Perfect porcelain would be a better way of putting it.
Sentence 6: “Sunscreen is very important but there isn’t one miracle cream, we’re all different.”
8) A comma is necessary between important and but. It may seem awkward at first, at least until you finish correcting the sentence, but trust me — this is necessary.
9) Lord, give me a semicolon! Just because people speak in incorrect grammar, it does not give you the license to write dialogue with incorrect grammar. Between cream and we’re, we should either have a semicolon or a period.
Sentence 7: After performing in a pink Swarovski crystal cow girl outfit (which off course was quickly removed) complete with crystal covered Christian Louboutin boots to perform her risqué burlesque style strip tease, she switched back her glamorous gown and went clubbing with her girlfriends, dutifully leaving at 1.30am, with a sneaky yawn on the way out.
10) Cow girl is incorrect. Cowgirl is the correct term.
11) Off course?! OFF COURSE?! Good grief, writer! You should be searching for a new job after word about this gets out, OF COURSE!
12) A comma is needed after the first parentheesis.
13) Crystal covered is incorrect. The boots are covered with crystals and are therefore crystal-covered.
14) I would have simply said burlesque, because burlesque style is incorrect. Another valid alternative would be burlesque-style.
15) Switched back her glamorous gown? That makes no sense. You don’t “switch back” a gown. You may switch back INTO a gown. Adding that word would have made a major improvement.
16) Strip tease is incorrect; striptease is what this grammar vandal is looking for.
17) 1.30am is crude at best. While I personally prefer to write 1:30 AM, most newspapers accept 1:30 a.m. as the correct form of writing time.
18) Leaving with a sneaky yawn, again, makes no sense. A sneaky yawn is not something with which you leave. And what kinds of yawns are sneaky? I’d say that she left, yawning LAZILY on her way out.
Sentence 8: At least she practices what she preaches.
Correct. And I have still not recovered from the last sentence.
18 errors in eight sentences, all of them confined to six sentences. Can you believe it?
People, I don’t know if you were being charitable by humoring a young writer or were being delusional in allowing this illiterate fool to write content for your website.
You should hire ME to write for you.
This is what you could have had:
Dita von Teese is the ultimate in pinup beauty: flawless skin, perfectly coiffed hair…and have you seen that body?! When PEOPLE caught up with her at a MAC Viva Glam event in London this week, we wanted to know all of her beauty secrets.
“I do yoga and pilates,” she revealed as she glided past, her tiny frame wrapped in a silver mermaid-esque Dior gown. “I also do my best to get my beauty sleep, which means knowing when the party is over!” she added with a laugh.
And how does she maintain that perfect porcelain skin?
“Sunscreen is very important, but there isn’t one miracle cream. We’re all different.”
After performing in a pink Swarovski crystal cowgirl outfit (which, of course, was quickly removed) — complete with crystal-encrusted Christian Louboutin boots — to perform her risqué burlesque striptease, she switched back into her glamorous gown and went clubbing with her girlfriends, dutifully leaving at 1:30 AM, yawning on the way out. At least she practices what she preaches.
I’m serious, People. Hire me. Email me your stuff. I’ll copyedit. You must be aware of how badly you’ve been doing lately in terms of errors. I could make a big difference in your work.
The Grammar Vandal 