She got what she deserved.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to someone who uses bad grammar?

A low grade on a paper?  A mocking post on this blog?  A scolding from a nearby grammarian?

Oh, it could be worse.  You could find yourself face to face with James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

This is my new favorite entry on my new favorite Web site, fmylife.com:

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, “Your nuts!” She meant, “YOU’RE nuts.” I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

Okay.  We know this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.  Anyone knows you don’t send naked pictures to someone you barely know.  And I’m going to assume that these two people are over the age of 18, because if not, that’s a different issue altogether.  Assuming they both are above the age of consent,

That girl got exactly what she deserved.

She mixed up “your” and “you’re” and thus was blinded with an image of the least attractive part of the male anatomy, an image that will likely stick in her mind for quite a long time.

It’s kind of like shock therapy, don’t you think?

(And, for the record, I feel like I need to say this to clueless straight guys of the world: No girl in her right mind will ever ask you for a picture of your nuts if she wants to be turned on.  ANY other body part is understandable — NEVER the nuts.  If she does, that’s a red flag.  She’ll probably be forwarding it to her friends and laughing at you.)

What do you think?  Did this girl get what she deserved?

American Eagle, you should have known better.

This shirt has been sent to me from several people, including readers Melissa, Ariana and Ryan.

I was in disbelief when I first saw it.  I still am, to a degree.  How could this American Eagle shirt ever have been sold?  How did it even get through quality assurance?

Take a look:

Love the one your with.

Allow me to repeat:

LOVE THE ONE YOUR WITH!!!!!!

This one actually made me upset.  Is this the direction in which we’re trending?  Should we expect to see more and more shirts like these in the future?

I hope not, but I wouldn’t be surpised.

American Eagle, you really should have known better.  I can’t imagine how many mistakes were made at so many levels within the company for this shirt to have been put on shelves and sold.

Epic Grammar Feud

Wow.  I just discovered an intense feud over grammar between members of the “Good Grammar Is Hot” group on Facebook.

It started with the posting of this picture:

As you can guess, it got a lot of jeers from the members of the group.

Well, it didn’t end there.

Davin joined the conversation.  You can read the whole thing here if you’re on Facebook, but if you’re not, here are some of the highlights:

From Davin:

just because i dont feel as if i need to use perfect grammar in a facebook status u people decide to roast me wow you guys seriously are a bunch of uptight fags but if it makes u feel any better imma english major with perfect grades i just chose to perfect english for class and would rather use slang and or inappropriate use of terms for more social occasions like facebook oh yeah Imma so stab you in your fucking face with a spork for posting this shit u know that right and yes bitches i used u instead of you so bite me on my caramel colored ass

From Luke:

Is there such a thing as a descriptionary? If so I would very much like to get my hands on one, if not it’s a fantastic idea that someone should make millions out of it and give me a copy for my birthday

A few quick notes for the angry Davin:

1) The only difference between American English and British English is a few spelling differences, the grammatical structures are identical, otherwise they’d be different languages rather than dialects. The reason we internationals perceive you as speaking (or typing in this case) incorrectly is because you are.

2) Confusing “there’s” for “theirs” and other similar errors are not “slang” as you called it. Colloquialisms are quite different to spelling errors, although one could argue that spellings like “ur” for “you’re” could be counted as textual slang.

3) Gay (or fag in this case) is not a synonym for stupid (or any other derogative term).

4) I get laid regularly, and I still think you’re a dick.

From Davin:

Honestly, thats not my real communication mode i just conform to fit the needs of my surroundings. if im in school or with my friends then i talk like that status. If im in a interview or need to get something done to my liking then i take another tone that many people arent familiar with i just dont see the need to spell out you on facebook when many people if not everyone understands that u is the same thing as you and the people that dont understand that seriously need to get a social life and stop having theirs revolve around people choosing to use slang instead of correct english cause well if u realise that to the english almost all american english is slang

But I think it was David who had the most interesting statement:

My suggestion would be to find a major you really LIKE. It’s inconceivable to me that anyone who really loves English could ever bring himself to write like this, in a social occasion or otherwise, just as I can’t imagine a philosophy major ignoring a specious argument just because he’s at a party or a math major pretending not to notice a mistake on a restaurant check just because he’s out to dinner with friends.

Personally, I don’t believe that Davin is an English major.

If he is, though, then I can’t believe that Davin is an English major, yet takes pride in the fact that he writes so badly.  WHY would anyone DO THAT?

You know me — you know that this blog is about going after the people who make errors in professional writing.  But I thought that this was worth posting.

What do you think?

Diagramming Obama’s Sentences

I have never diagrammed a sentence in my life.  I was never taught this in school.  People often ask me how I gained my knowledge of grammar, and the answer is just that I’ve been an avid reader my whole life.  It’s hard not to learn sentence structure when you’re constantly reading.

I was, however, quite amused to find a diagrammed sentence spoken by our President at his first official press conference.

Huffington Post reporter Sam Stein asked President Obama (PRESIDENT OBAMA! PRESIDENT OBAMA! IT STILL THRILLS ME TO HEAR OR READ THAT!) whether he would consider investigating members of the Bush Administration, up to and including Bush himself.

The President’s response:

“My view is also that nobody’s above the law, and, if there are clear instances of wrongdoing, that people should be prosecuted just like any ordinary citizen, but that, generally speaking, I’m more interested in looking forward than I am in looking backwards.”

Wow.

Here’s what blogger Garth Risk Hallberg had to say:

First, the elegant balance of the central construction (My view is that x, and that y, but also that z) shows that Obama has a good memory for where he’s been, grammatically, and a strong sense of where he’s going. His tripartite analysis of the problem is clearly reflected in the structure of the sentence, and thus in the three main branches of the diagram. (Turn it on its side and it could be a mobile.) The third “that” – thrown in 29 words into a 43-word sentence – creates three parallel predicate nouns. And then there’s a little parallel flourish at the end: “I am more interested in looking forward than I am in looking back.”

I think I blacked out while reading that — but it’s still awesome.

Another Horrible Tattoo

We have seen lots of bad tattoos on this blog, but I think this one reaches new heights.

Image via Fail Blog.

There is SO MUCH that is wrong with this!

It’s not just the spelling of what I perceive to be the word “jealous,” or the upside-down question mark, or the fact that “Jalous” is capitalized while “are” is not.  But the credit underneath the tattoo?  Who in his or her right mind would get that tattooed on his or her right can?

It’s going to be hard to top this one.

The Perfect Valentine’s Day Card

I received this card from my friend Lisa for Valentine’s Day (along with a tiny Valentine’s Day bottle of Jose Cuervo):

(This isn’t my picture — it came from Facebook’s “Good Grammar is Hot” group — but this was the card.)

I think they have this card for every holiday, including birthdays, but it’s great every time!

You know the economy’s in the tank when…

If you have the money to do so, now is a GREAT time to travel.  Rates are so low due to the economy, and you won’t believe the travel deals you can find.  My friends and I just booked our third trip to Vegas and we’re staying at the five-star Palazzo, the Venetian’s upscale sister resort, for a ridiculously low rate.

In fact, some hotels are actually giving away tons of freebies, from meals to show tickets.

But nobody takes the cake like this Days Inn sent to me by reader Laura:

HBO. CNN. Spouse. It’s ALLLLLLLL free!

Sorry for the incontinence.

I have received so many emails over the past few days, most of them with submissions.  You guys are hilarious.

This one comes courtesy of reader Eli, who found it on this site:

I bet Ann’s also sorry she’s selling so much Barq’s Root Beer.  With her incontinent customers, that can’t lead to anything good!

Bill Cosby = Grammar WIN!

Earlier in this blog’s history, I talked about Bill Cosby’s latest book, Come On People.  (I discussed it here and later here.)

Oh, Bill.  Oh, publishing company.  Without the comma, there’s suddenly a LOT of innuendo in this title.  (The cover art doesn’t help, either.)

Well, I was perusing the books at Borders the other day and saw the latest edition of the book:

They actually added the comma!

THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!  It’s so rare that you actually see a company changing its grammar after customer complaints!  (Believe me, there were a lot of complaints.  This book got a lot of press for its missing comma in the title.)

I have to give a shout-out to the book’s publisher, Thomas Nelson.  Well done, Tommy boy.  Very well done.

For the love of God, don’t be afraid of my wrath!

Ever since I started this blog a year and a half ago, people have been afraid to email me.

The comments are often tossed offhand.  “I probably have bad grammar on that email.”  “Wow, I actually said their instead of there in that IM.”

I tell the same thing to my blog readers, my friends and my colleagues:

Do not, under any circumstances, be afraid that I’m going to criticize you!

I don’t nitpick your writing.  I don’t care about that.  Of course, if you write the entire thing without any punctuation, yeah, I’ll notice.

But, seriously: this blog is about advertisements and businesses and professional writing.  In short, writing that should be proofread before being presented to the public.

I care about professionalism.  When Reebok omits a necessary comma in a prominent advertisement, I’m turned off by the brand.  When I call a doctor for the first time and the receptionist at a doctor’s office says, “Was you in a accident?” I look elsewhere.

I value professionalism, and to me, bad grammar represents a lack of professionalism.

In conclusion, don’t be afraid that I’m mocking your writing!  If you’re on this blog, you probably know what you’re doing more than most other people, anyway.

Also — thank you for all the emails!  It’s going to take a long time to go through all of them, but I appreciate them greatly.

Happy Anniverisary

Last night, my friend Andy sent me a picture of the cake that his parents picked up for his grandparents’ anniversary:

The cake decorator asked his mother how to spell anniversary.

She spelled it out, but he got it wrong.  He corrected it, as you can see by the smudged frosting in the middle, but forgot about the rogue I.

Yikes!

Still, though, this isn’t as funny as the greatest cake error of all time.

And don’t forget the error-covered birthday cake that my friends from work got for me this year!

Welcome, MSNBC readers!

I was wondering why my blog was going crazy with visits today!

If you haven’t yet heard, I’ve been featured in another piece — “Fastidious Spelling Snobs Pushed Over the Edge” by Diane Mapes on MSNBC.com.

It’s a great feature.  Nice work, Diane!

Welcome, readers.  Enjoy the blog — and if you have any submissions of grammar or spelling errors in your community, feel free to email me at kate.mcculley [at] gmail.com.

If you’re a news organization and would like to contact me for an interview — I’ve done educational grammar consulting and I’ve been featured as the resident grammarian on a few NPR segments — feel free to email me as well.

Thanks for visiting!

A Town Without Apostrophes

First of all, thanks to everyone who sent me this story.  It’s become quite a popular news item!

The city of Birmingham, England, has done the unthinkable: they’ve banned apostrophes.

On the streets of Birmingham, the queen’s English is now the queens English.

England’s second-largest city has decided to drop apostrophes from all its street signs, saying they’re confusing and old-fashioned.

But some purists are downright possessive about the punctuation mark.

It seems that Birmingham officials have been taking a hammer to grammar for years, quietly dropping apostrophes from street signs since the 1950s. Through the decades, residents have frequently launched spirited campaigns to restore the missing punctuation to signs denoting such places as “St. Pauls Square” or “Acocks Green.”

This week, the council made it official, saying it was banning the punctuation mark from signs in a bid to end the dispute once and for all.

It hurts my head and heart to read this.

The story goes on to talk about how some of the possessions signified by the apostrophe no longer exist, and that they should not be restored for that reason.  Kings Cross is no longer owned by the king, for example.

Let me say something.

I’ve said it time and time again: I hate it when people take the easy way out when it comes to grammar and spelling.  If everybody did that, can you imagine the state of writing this day?  It’s bad enough as it is!  (Caesars Palace comes to mind yet again…)

We can’t keep dumbing down our society to benefit the uneducated.  If we did that in all aspects of our lives, there would be no more quality literature.  Hell, Rob Schneider movies would be up for Oscars.

Birmingham, I really hope you think about exactly what you’re doing here.

To Serve and Correct

I just came across an interesting article in the UK’s Ilkeston Advertiser:

Derbyshire police officers have become the first in Britain to get a new educational booklet, which includes tips on how to spell.

Superintendent Gary Knighton has distributed the Fast Facts for Policing booklet to all 1,800 officers in the county.

It contains multiplication tables and the correct spellings of the days of the week and months of the year.

The differences between source and sauce, whether and weather and two and too are explained. And officers are advised on how to use the 24-hour clock.

Supt Knighton said: “Spellings and terminology are very important in our line of work and accuracy is key when producing official documents. We’re pleased to be the first force to offer people the opportunity to improve their skills in this way and we hope other constabularies will consider distributing the Fast Facts booklet.”

Multiplication tables?  Really?

It sounds a bit ridiculous when you picture cops running down the street, fighting crime while referring to their little books.  (It reminds me of this hilarious Conan O’Brien sketch.  “Former Secretary of Labor Robert Reich!  Nooooooooo!”)

Sometimes you have to start with the very basics, the very minimums that help you avoid embarrassment.

Also, keep in mind that if a cop spells a month incorrectly on a speeding ticket, you could probably contest it.

What do you think?

Yeah, I won’t be going there.

I just got back from Vegas.  It was amazing and one of the craziest weekends of my life.  However, I hurt my back — I wish I could say what happened, but it’s NOT meant to be repeated on the Internet — and I need to see a chiropractor.

My chiropractor is wonderful, but he’s up in the suburbs and I no longer have a car, so I had to find a new one.  I did a bit of research and found one right around the corner from my office.  Perfect!  I called to make an appointment.

“–’s office,” the girl answered.

“Hi,” I said.  “I would be a new patient.  I’m looking to see if you’re taking new patients, and if so, to see–”

“Was you in a accident?”

Whoa.  Whoa.

Was you in a accident?

I kid you not — those were her exact words.

I quickly glossed over the details of the debauchery-induced injury, and she then informed me that I needed a referral.

I called my regular doctor and the receptionist informed me that my health insurance carrier (one of the most common in Massachusetts) doesn’t do referrals for chiropractors — they’re unnecessary.

Well, do you think I called that chiropractor back?  No way.

I was so put off by the girl who answered the phone that I found an entirely new chiropractor.  This one is also right by my office.  I’ll be seeing him tomorrow.

First impressions are everything.  Keep that in mind when you hire someone to answer the phone.

And, just for fun…

We met the glamorous Coco and the awesome Ice-T at XS Nightclub at the Encore!