Is “asks” even a word?

I saw this a few weeks ago, and I knew I had to share it with you:

This is from Jessica Simpson’s official Twitter account.

To quote the fabulous Michael K at Dlisted, this hurts my brain.

Some stars create ditzy personas for themselves, when in reality they are quite intelligent.  Take Dolly Parton.  I adore that woman!  She is feisty, daring and very intelligent, and on top of her giant bosom, tiny waist, bleached hair and pounds of makeup, she knows exactly what she’s doing.

Jessica Simpson has always had a ditzy personality, and I have no doubt that she plays it up for the cameras on occasion.  However, unlike Dolly Parton, I don’t think it’s that much of a stretch!

What do you think?

Justice shall be served!

This blog CAN make a difference.

Check out the email I just received from a friend from high school:

Hi Kate,

As you may or may not know, I am a technical writer. I showed your blog to my coworker (she thinks it’s hilarious), who showed it to another employee of our firm. This employee works weekends as a bartender at the Hong Kong and he emailed a link to the Grammar Vandal Hong Kong blog entry to the owner of the restaurant. Hopefully the sign will be fixed soon!

Best regards,
Becky

Amazing!

Don’t let anyone ever tell you that you can’t change the world!

Classy Times and Bad Signs at the Hong Kong

If you’ve been to the Hong Kong in Boston, the Faneuil Hall bar known for its scorpion bowls, karaoke, and wild clientele, you know that it’s not exactly the prime venue for a classy evening.

So that’s why I wasn’t terribly surprised to see this sign there last weekend:

The text:

LOST COAT TAG POLICY

If you loose or can not produce your coat check tag, you must way until the close of business, to claim your belongings.

My reaction:

NOT OKAY!

That’s the last time I go out without my Sharpie.  This picture will have to do for now.  But I plan on returning.

Send to the Grammer Vandal

I LOVE Random House.  They are kind enough to send me grammar and language books from time to time, and some of them are very funny and entertaining.  I will be posting a review on the first shortly.

But you have to admit…in the latest package they sent me, this was a bit odd:

I found it funny enough that they didn’t even put my actual name on the address.  (My coworkers, some of whom simply call me Vandal, were amused as well.)   But the GRAMMER vandal?!

Eh.  They send me books.  I still love them.

Unfortunately Named Restaurants

My friend Josh sent me the link to these restaurants today, and I laughed so hard at some of them, I knew I had to post them here.

Check them out!

To start, a local business: a Chinese restaurant in Cambridge, Massachusetts!

I will never order from them because of their name.  Who actually wants Pu Pu Hot Pot?  (Besides, whenever I get greasy Chinese food, it’s usually post-clubs at 3:00 AM in Chinatown.)

Cambridge is full of college students — hello, Harvard and MIT! — and I’m sure that so many of them get a kick out of the restaurant’s name that Pu Pu Hot Pot will always stay in business.

Here are a few others:

My dung.

Vagina Tandoori.

No comment.

If this is all you eat, it will happen faster than you think.

Crabby Dick’s.

(My dad is named Dick.  My friends love his name.  He’s not crabby very often, though.)

Here are the rest.  I love them.

Enjoy!

(Also: things have changed SO much over the past few months!  You won’t believe just how much spam I’m getting in my comments!)

But, seriously, I’m grateful to you for all the emails you sent me.  I needed a break, and I’m back.  Just wait until you see the horrible sign around the corner from my office…it is so bad, you guys will LOVE it!

She got what she deserved.

What’s the worst thing that could happen to someone who uses bad grammar?

A low grade on a paper?  A mocking post on this blog?  A scolding from a nearby grammarian?

Oh, it could be worse.  You could find yourself face to face with James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater.

This is my new favorite entry on my new favorite Web site, fmylife.com:

Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, “Your nuts!” She meant, “YOU’RE nuts.” I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

Okay.  We know this guy isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed.  Anyone knows you don’t send naked pictures to someone you barely know.  And I’m going to assume that these two people are over the age of 18, because if not, that’s a different issue altogether.  Assuming they both are above the age of consent,

That girl got exactly what she deserved.

She mixed up “your” and “you’re” and thus was blinded with an image of the least attractive part of the male anatomy, an image that will likely stick in her mind for quite a long time.

It’s kind of like shock therapy, don’t you think?

(And, for the record, I feel like I need to say this to clueless straight guys of the world: No girl in her right mind will ever ask you for a picture of your nuts if she wants to be turned on.  ANY other body part is understandable — NEVER the nuts.  If she does, that’s a red flag.  She’ll probably be forwarding it to her friends and laughing at you.)

What do you think?  Did this girl get what she deserved?

American Eagle, you should have known better.

This shirt has been sent to me from several people, including readers Melissa, Ariana and Ryan.

I was in disbelief when I first saw it.  I still am, to a degree.  How could this American Eagle shirt ever have been sold?  How did it even get through quality assurance?

Take a look:

Love the one your with.

Allow me to repeat:

LOVE THE ONE YOUR WITH!!!!!!

This one actually made me upset.  Is this the direction in which we’re trending?  Should we expect to see more and more shirts like these in the future?

I hope not, but I wouldn’t be surpised.

American Eagle, you really should have known better.  I can’t imagine how many mistakes were made at so many levels within the company for this shirt to have been put on shelves and sold.

Epic Grammar Feud

Wow.  I just discovered an intense feud over grammar between members of the “Good Grammar Is Hot” group on Facebook.

It started with the posting of this picture:

As you can guess, it got a lot of jeers from the members of the group.

Well, it didn’t end there.

Davin joined the conversation.  You can read the whole thing here if you’re on Facebook, but if you’re not, here are some of the highlights:

From Davin:

just because i dont feel as if i need to use perfect grammar in a facebook status u people decide to roast me wow you guys seriously are a bunch of uptight fags but if it makes u feel any better imma english major with perfect grades i just chose to perfect english for class and would rather use slang and or inappropriate use of terms for more social occasions like facebook oh yeah Imma so stab you in your fucking face with a spork for posting this shit u know that right and yes bitches i used u instead of you so bite me on my caramel colored ass

From Luke:

Is there such a thing as a descriptionary? If so I would very much like to get my hands on one, if not it’s a fantastic idea that someone should make millions out of it and give me a copy for my birthday

A few quick notes for the angry Davin:

1) The only difference between American English and British English is a few spelling differences, the grammatical structures are identical, otherwise they’d be different languages rather than dialects. The reason we internationals perceive you as speaking (or typing in this case) incorrectly is because you are.

2) Confusing “there’s” for “theirs” and other similar errors are not “slang” as you called it. Colloquialisms are quite different to spelling errors, although one could argue that spellings like “ur” for “you’re” could be counted as textual slang.

3) Gay (or fag in this case) is not a synonym for stupid (or any other derogative term).

4) I get laid regularly, and I still think you’re a dick.

From Davin:

Honestly, thats not my real communication mode i just conform to fit the needs of my surroundings. if im in school or with my friends then i talk like that status. If im in a interview or need to get something done to my liking then i take another tone that many people arent familiar with i just dont see the need to spell out you on facebook when many people if not everyone understands that u is the same thing as you and the people that dont understand that seriously need to get a social life and stop having theirs revolve around people choosing to use slang instead of correct english cause well if u realise that to the english almost all american english is slang

But I think it was David who had the most interesting statement:

My suggestion would be to find a major you really LIKE. It’s inconceivable to me that anyone who really loves English could ever bring himself to write like this, in a social occasion or otherwise, just as I can’t imagine a philosophy major ignoring a specious argument just because he’s at a party or a math major pretending not to notice a mistake on a restaurant check just because he’s out to dinner with friends.

Personally, I don’t believe that Davin is an English major.

If he is, though, then I can’t believe that Davin is an English major, yet takes pride in the fact that he writes so badly.  WHY would anyone DO THAT?

You know me — you know that this blog is about going after the people who make errors in professional writing.  But I thought that this was worth posting.

What do you think?

Diagramming Obama’s Sentences

I have never diagrammed a sentence in my life.  I was never taught this in school.  People often ask me how I gained my knowledge of grammar, and the answer is just that I’ve been an avid reader my whole life.  It’s hard not to learn sentence structure when you’re constantly reading.

I was, however, quite amused to find a diagrammed sentence spoken by our President at his first official press conference.

Huffington Post reporter Sam Stein asked President Obama (PRESIDENT OBAMA! PRESIDENT OBAMA! IT STILL THRILLS ME TO HEAR OR READ THAT!) whether he would consider investigating members of the Bush Administration, up to and including Bush himself.

The President’s response:

“My view is also that nobody’s above the law, and, if there are clear instances of wrongdoing, that people should be prosecuted just like any ordinary citizen, but that, generally speaking, I’m more interested in looking forward than I am in looking backwards.”

Wow.

Here’s what blogger Garth Risk Hallberg had to say:

First, the elegant balance of the central construction (My view is that x, and that y, but also that z) shows that Obama has a good memory for where he’s been, grammatically, and a strong sense of where he’s going. His tripartite analysis of the problem is clearly reflected in the structure of the sentence, and thus in the three main branches of the diagram. (Turn it on its side and it could be a mobile.) The third “that” – thrown in 29 words into a 43-word sentence – creates three parallel predicate nouns. And then there’s a little parallel flourish at the end: “I am more interested in looking forward than I am in looking back.”

I think I blacked out while reading that — but it’s still awesome.

Another Horrible Tattoo

We have seen lots of bad tattoos on this blog, but I think this one reaches new heights.

Image via Fail Blog.

There is SO MUCH that is wrong with this!

It’s not just the spelling of what I perceive to be the word “jealous,” or the upside-down question mark, or the fact that “Jalous” is capitalized while “are” is not.  But the credit underneath the tattoo?  Who in his or her right mind would get that tattooed on his or her right can?

It’s going to be hard to top this one.

The Perfect Valentine’s Day Card

I received this card from my friend Lisa for Valentine’s Day (along with a tiny Valentine’s Day bottle of Jose Cuervo):

(This isn’t my picture — it came from Facebook’s “Good Grammar is Hot” group — but this was the card.)

I think they have this card for every holiday, including birthdays, but it’s great every time!

You know the economy’s in the tank when…

If you have the money to do so, now is a GREAT time to travel.  Rates are so low due to the economy, and you won’t believe the travel deals you can find.  My friends and I just booked our third trip to Vegas and we’re staying at the five-star Palazzo, the Venetian’s upscale sister resort, for a ridiculously low rate.

In fact, some hotels are actually giving away tons of freebies, from meals to show tickets.

But nobody takes the cake like this Days Inn sent to me by reader Laura:

HBO. CNN. Spouse. It’s ALLLLLLLL free!

Sorry for the incontinence.

I have received so many emails over the past few days, most of them with submissions.  You guys are hilarious.

This one comes courtesy of reader Eli, who found it on this site:

I bet Ann’s also sorry she’s selling so much Barq’s Root Beer.  With her incontinent customers, that can’t lead to anything good!

Bill Cosby = Grammar WIN!

Earlier in this blog’s history, I talked about Bill Cosby’s latest book, Come On People.  (I discussed it here and later here.)

Oh, Bill.  Oh, publishing company.  Without the comma, there’s suddenly a LOT of innuendo in this title.  (The cover art doesn’t help, either.)

Well, I was perusing the books at Borders the other day and saw the latest edition of the book:

They actually added the comma!

THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!  It’s so rare that you actually see a company changing its grammar after customer complaints!  (Believe me, there were a lot of complaints.  This book got a lot of press for its missing comma in the title.)

I have to give a shout-out to the book’s publisher, Thomas Nelson.  Well done, Tommy boy.  Very well done.

For the love of God, don’t be afraid of my wrath!

Ever since I started this blog a year and a half ago, people have been afraid to email me.

The comments are often tossed offhand.  “I probably have bad grammar on that email.”  “Wow, I actually said their instead of there in that IM.”

I tell the same thing to my blog readers, my friends and my colleagues:

Do not, under any circumstances, be afraid that I’m going to criticize you!

I don’t nitpick your writing.  I don’t care about that.  Of course, if you write the entire thing without any punctuation, yeah, I’ll notice.

But, seriously: this blog is about advertisements and businesses and professional writing.  In short, writing that should be proofread before being presented to the public.

I care about professionalism.  When Reebok omits a necessary comma in a prominent advertisement, I’m turned off by the brand.  When I call a doctor for the first time and the receptionist at a doctor’s office says, “Was you in a accident?” I look elsewhere.

I value professionalism, and to me, bad grammar represents a lack of professionalism.

In conclusion, don’t be afraid that I’m mocking your writing!  If you’re on this blog, you probably know what you’re doing more than most other people, anyway.

Also — thank you for all the emails!  It’s going to take a long time to go through all of them, but I appreciate them greatly.